unfoggedlotus | IC Inbox

Goro joins in giving thanks for the meal and then... slumps a little. "I suppose I had that coming." He doesn't fight it, though. Not now.

His Shadow glances between the two. "It may help to lay out your problems, but do so in a way that's... constructive, I suppose? I believe we're all exhausted, so let's try to handle this with a more positive spin."

"I'm too tired for an argument." Ren shrugs. His stomach growls. "And too hungry," he says with a weak chuckle. "...You get stubborn, sometimes. About the people you love." In any way. "And that's good. But." Another breath. "You were being a prideful idiot, back there. And I don't like seeing you be the one to start fights."

The good thing is, he realizes now that he took it too far. If Ren had brought it up before that breaking point, he would have surely been more combative, but now...

A weak whisper of laughter escapes him. "I suppose I just wanted to nip it in the bud. I didn't trust Glitch, and I felt I had to put my foot down because there's so much at stake. We can't afford to let a setback like this stop us, and when she deemed the mission dead on arrival, I was furious because it felt as though she would sooner give up than dare to try. I suppose just as she had her preconceptions regarding Magpie, I couldn't look past the way she conducted herself in the group chat before."

Ren lets out a snort. "Glitch is kind of a bitch." He stabs his chopsticks into his ramen. "The thing is. So are you, when you get like that. And I just..." he slurps down the egg in one bite. "Don't know how to get you to see reason again without yelling at you."

"There's a reason I spent so long... repressing that side of me." He breaks off a piece of the egg, taking a smaller bite. "But that doesn't excuse it. I suppose..."

Hm. What can he even suggest?

"It's okay to remind me if I get out of control. I don't always realize when I've taken it too far. It's just... this entire situation has been so immensely tiring. I obviously don't excuse Magpie's words, and it pains me to know that he went so far on my behalf, but..."

He digs the fingers of his right hand into his hair, prodding at the noddles with his left. "I suppose on some level, I just wish they'd both get their shit together. It's selfish, but these past several months, I've felt this immense pressure because I care about both of them, and I don't want to cut ties with either."

"Hmm..." Ren chews his ramen contemplatively, then swallows hit bite and puts his left hand on Goro's. "First things first. If I tap your hand and say "control", would that work as a reminder? Promise to try to not get mad, in the moment. If I do it. Because that's what stops me from doing it now...being scared that you're gonna explode on me."

"I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I 'exploded' at you. That's not the kind of partner I want to be." He looks at their hands, at their rings... "I think... something like that is preferable. I don't react as well when I feel cornered. I've tried to get better over the years, but sometimes..."

Well, sometimes, days like today happen.

"I think what hurts the most is that Glitch and I were on good terms before. I even extended an olive branch after I had cooled down and after Raven butted in when he shouldn't have, but I don't think she took it seriously. I even tried to emphasize that we need to find compromise if we're to complete this mission successfully..."

So did he handle it wrong? Well...

"I suppose stepping in before anyone had a chance to speak or react wasn't the gentlest move, but I thought it necessary to nip it in the bud, in a sense, because I knew that it would be contentious, but I also felt like if anyone ought to speak to Magpie, it's me for a myriad of reasons. Him saying such callous words on my behalf was one of them."

"Not like we have many other options. You're the local Magpie whisperer," Ren chuckles. "And...y'know what? Back to what you said before...yeah. They're both being idiots. And they're both immature fuckwads for not having their shit together and making you deal with it. That's not the question here." A snort. "You came in too aggressively and started cornering everyone else, I think. And then they lashed out and you lashed out back."

Edited 2024-07-10 01:55 (UTC)

"I suppose it was a fear response. I was already taken aback by Magpie's words and was terrified of what would happen, so I stepped in to shut it down as swiftly as possible. I see now, though, that I should have prioritized Drake first. I'm sure he's just as upset with me as Glitch..."

He tries to distract himself by taking a bite of noodles. "I've wondered... am I even fit to be on this team? Not in terms of skill so much as... I suppose I've questioned if it's fair to get involved when my presence has caused so much discord, but now that I know Magpie is necessary, it's not as though I can back down."

Ren blinks at him.

Once.

Twice.

"God," he says, because he's just been hit with a massive revelation. "You're my idiot."

He leans over to give the idiot a big smooch on the temple. Mwah.

"...Well, yes. We do have the rings to prove it." He does relax a little at the kiss, though. "What brought this on?"

His Shadow chuckles at their antics. "To be frank, I think dismissing yourself would hardly help. Just as Magpie is interwoven with the Palace, so are you. I can also imagine that giving up wouldn't reflect well on Drake. He might even take it to mean that you're discarding him outright."

"Which is hardly what I want, obviously. I just..."

"You're hurt, and there's no easy solution. It's not a situation where you'll get the 'justice' or 'apology' you feel you deserve, and so you're left without a resolution, which in turn only intensifies your stress because you lack a proper outlet."

Edited 2024-07-10 02:09 (UTC)

"Tell him," Ren nods at Crow's shadow. "You're an idiot if you think you don't belong on the team. And I think you have to accept that some people are going to be idiots when it comes to dealing with people they don't like. But that doesn't have to be you."

"I just don't know what I can do to fix this. I've no doubt Glitch would be happier without me there at this point. I miss when things were simpler, but I also can't forgive her for her horrible assumptions about Magpie when I know he's trying to do better."

Damn it all. Goro goes for more ramen, just to ground himself. He hates this.

"And I don't know how he'll react. We can't just ignore that we know about his message to Drake, but I don't want to drive him away."

"I've no doubt Glitch would be happier with none of us there," Ren points out. "But she'd be happiest of all with Drake's palace gone."

"I think... I just don't do well with betrayal or feelings that overlap with it. And even if it wasn't a literal betrayal, her assertions that Magpie would use the Palace maliciously felt unbelievably cruel. If he truly wished to hurt Drake, he'd pick up a gun and shoot him."

Setting down his chopsticks, he buries his face in his hand and wheezes out a brittle laugh. "And then, when she complained about Magpie's assumptions about her, all I could think was that she was being hypocritical. I realize that's not entirely fair, especially when there's no defending what he said to Drake, but that was how it felt at the time. It got me seeing red."

"Yeah," Ren repeats, softly, wrapping his arm around the boyfriend. He knows how much betrayal and abandonment hurt him; it's why he clinks their rings together. Forever. That's what he promised, that's what he'll deliver. "She's in the wrong, too. Glitch has more problems than just a few programming bugs." He pets Goro.

"I'm not happy that I'm angry with her. It'd be so much simpler if I wasn't, but it's how I feel." Even so, he leans into the touch. He should really finish eating, but he's just so tired.

"What are we even going to tell Magpie? How do we even start a conversation about this?"

He knows they have to. He volunteered, it's just... hard.

"Tell him the truth and have your younger self make puppydog eyes at him?" He jokes, weakly. "We'll come up with something in the morning..."

Ren looks over to Boyfriend The Second, taking another bite of his ramen. "How are you holding up?"

"And you're sure it can wait until morning..." Goro hardly sounds convinced as he attempts another bite.

His Shadow hums. "More concerned than anything. I wasn't thrilled with what happened back there, but it's difficult for me to get angry. Those emotions weren't part of my... conception, I suppose."

"Those are in Loki?" Ren guesses. Then, just for good measure: "You aren't bad for feeling angry or being a hypocrite back there. Feelings are one thing, actions are another, y'know?"

"More or less," his Shadow says. "I'm sure I could get angry if pressed hard enough, but I think I'm more likely to feel sadness than more hotblooded emotions."

Goro heaves a heavy sigh. "The problem is when my actions end up hurting the people I care about. I'm sure Drake won't be happy with me regardless of what I do."

"I'm sure Drake can come to his own conclusions after he gets the Palace out of his head," Ren asserts, poking him. "You're catastrophizing. Your therapist told me about it."

"...Of course she did." Damn it, Maki. Why are you so good at actually caring about the needs of your clients? "Perhaps I'd be in a better place if she was here. It's so hard to put her techniques into practice without her to remind me when I slip."

He pauses.

"So I do appreciate it, Ren."

"We could all use some good therapy," he nods. "She didn't tell me about you catastrophizing specifically. Just how to identify it." He leans over to kiss the boyfriend. "We'll get through this."

Naturally, Goro kisses back. He needs it right now. "I know, but..."

His Shadow clears his throat. "If you need something to do, perhaps it might be worthwhile to text Magpie? Some of the information may be easier to present that way, so that when we do go to speak with him in person, he's had time to mentally prepare himself."

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